Dissertation Advisor Avoidance

Staying away from the department halls when you've handed something in late -- and then, to your chagrin, running in to your advisor -- has to be among the most uncomfortable of grad student experiences. Eeeek.

Stewgad posts a very funny story about Advisor Avoidance. She felt awkward and embarrassed when he "caught her" sneaking about the department halls.  However, running into him, and telling him (again) that she'd have something to him by the end of the week, has reved up her writing pace.

Deadlines. Hate 'em.  But can't write without 'em.

A student taking one of my dissertation skills workshops once told the group a memorable Advisor Avoidance tale.  She was a week late handing in the chapter she'd promised her advisor.  Late one evening, she was grocery shopping and almost bumped into his cart.

"Oh, hello," she said.  "I'm so sorry I haven't handed in my chapter yet.  I'll have it to you first thing Monday morning."

"Um, actually," he said. "It's late on a Friday evening.  I'm doing my grocery shopping.  I wasn't really thinking about your dissertation."

"This really reminded me," said the student, "that whether or not my dissertation gets done matters only to me."

We often forget that our own agendas are not on the minds of others. When we miss our self-imposed deadlines, the guilt and shame-inspiring 'incomplete' looms large in our own ruminations. We forget that ofthers are not focusing on the delay.  It is not as though our advisors are sitting at their desks checking their watches and email in-boxes. They are much more likely to be worried about meeting their own goals.  And when our advisors do set deadlines for us, it is often to try to help us move forward.  They're usually well-intentioned.  Unfortunately, a 'tough love' approach rarely works: we often feel more anxious rather than motivated when our advisors scold us for running late.

For those of us with benign advisors, olympic-caliber advisor avoidance is rarely needed. Few professors will browbeat their advisees in the hallway. Many suffered similar work difficulties during their doctoral work and can empathize with our struggles. But even though we may know intellectually that we won't be chastised, when we're running late we'll still probably slink around the halls, hide in stairwells, and avoid campus altogether.

Grad school can inspire infantile responses:  "Ooops, I'm being bad.  And mommy, or daddy, is going to catch me."  Let's get over our guilt and get to work.

Comments

[camicao]

I couldn't agree more. At Famous U, my former colleagues were so swamped that students missing dissertation deadlines was actually a relief. And I hate to break it to some of your readers, but often advisors would keep drafts for months and only skim them the night before their meeting with a student. Deadlines don't matter as much as advisor's perception of their mentees. And to maintain a good perception, all it takes is being in touch. Talking and asking for advice and sending the message that "you're on the job"!

[bostondann]

Just came acroos your blog courtesy of Inside Higher Ed and lready a fan. I am new to blogging myself - here's to the next few years!

[Adjunct Kait]

Haha I was an "advisor avoider" during my Master's program. He didn't really care when I got done (well, he did, he was going on sabbatical), but it really mattered more to me. But avoiding him was an inspiration to get me writing...I wanted to have something done in case he cornered me in the copy room!

[stewgad]

Thanks for the link, Coach! I did wind up finishing the chapter, so I guess that ultimately running into him was a good thing for me.

[Lisa]

I actually disagree. I think there are times when avoiding your advisor is a very good idea, such as when emotions are running high or, as in my case, he had work to dump on you if you caught his eye. Now that I am advising, I've had students who are at near "divorce" stage with his/her advisor. In those cases, I think it is much better to just stay away, get your own head straight, and don't initiate contact until you actually have something substantive to talk about. Some "problem" students have advisors that are just reacting to them; a break gives both a chance to cool down and gets the advisor interested in the work again--not in the power struggle--if the student has been a little scarce and then comes in with *work* to discuss.

There's nothing infantile about being strategic about if/when you choose to interact with an advisor, especially if this advisor has been problematic or bullying in some way, or you have lashed out at him/her. We're not all perfect wells of professionalism as students; advisors aren't either. Waiting for a time when you are armored up emotionally to deal with a difficult person/difficult conversation=smart move--not necessarily "childish" behavior.

[Academic Coach]

Lisa,

This is GREAT advice and I completely agree.

Perhaps the key distinction is whether the avoidee is practicing strategic distancing or caught in an automatic regression to understandably childlike behavior.

If a student - or a professor - is consciously choosing to sidestep problems by dodging damagaing interactions, then I say "smart move."

And advisor divorce is a huge topic -- and one that brought many of my coaching clients to my office door or telephone line.

[Joe]

Yeah, this page is on the money. I have to emphasize the NECESSITY of avoidance if you are one of the advisor's few advisees. He expects you to deliver publishable material regularly and get's pissed when your dissertation progress is slow....AVOID AT ALL COSTS!