Back in November, "Jane" of See Jane in the Academy wrote a wonderful post about pain of writing and the agony of projects that take longer to complete than we'd like (ie. all of them!)
I liked her post so much that I copied it into a draft post to return to later. This seems like a good time to revisit her insights because many of the academics I work with are trying to get a manuscript out even as they grade the huge stacks of papers on their desks.
So, in honor of all of us who are struggling with writing projects right now (ie. all of us) here are some quotes from Jane's November post:
"I'm definitely at the point where I don't like this paper, I'm sure there is nothing new or insightful in it, and I want to die. Okay. Not literally on the last one, but I'm serious about the other two. This self-doubt and dislike is a part of my writing process. When I start a paper I'm sure there is something I have to say. But as I write, and especially once I have a draft out, I begin to question whether or not there is anything good there. I know this comes from living with the material so long that it becomes familiar (and thus, apparently, uninteresting) to me. I usually push on and finish papers.
"But.
"This paper has been stuck in this rut for months now. And I keep just putting it away because other things come up--things that demand my immediate, intense, and enduring attention--like a conference proposal, presentation, or paper, or things like that.
"So in honor of this paper being the theme of the week, some thoughts on writing:
"* Writing is tremendously hard. The major challenge I've experienced around this paper is choosing which story I'm telling, and then doing it in an artful way that effectively combines and synthesizes the literature from two distinct fields (but on the same basic topic) without writing myself into a place where I don't have an audience in either field.
"* I think I'm frustrated with this paper because it seems like it is taking me forever to write it. Writing is tremendously slow.
"So in sum. Writing is hard and slow. "
Amen!
Several aspects of Jane's musings intrigue me.
First of all, I've noticed that many of the folks I work with get stuck when they need to integrate material from two or more fields. Interdisciplinary work raises all sorts of difficulties. It is complicated to write for more than a single academic audience, terms used by one field may be unfamiliar to others, and the amount of material to cover is often overwhelming.
Her words triggered thoughts about the natural ebb and flow of my own writing processes. Jane describes a crisis of confidence once she has a draft. I believe that my own fluctuating enthusiasms follow a different trajectory. I'm very excited when I first have an idea. Then, starting the project is difficult. If I get stuck in the middle, I get very discouraged. This is the point where I sometimes lack the moxie to push through to completion.
When I finish a draft, my mood soars -- as long as I don't read the work at that point! I need to give myself a break before I can see my words clearly. The more time that I can give myself between cycles of revision the better able I am to slice away the chaff and appreciate the useful kernels. When academics feel loathing for a newly-finished manuscript, I sometimes suggest that they look back at a paper they wrote more than a year ago. It usually looks pretty good to them. Then I ask them to remember how they felt about that completed project when they were at the revision stage. Often this helps people realize that their emotional reactions to the current manuscript never realistically reflect the worth of the piece. We can't see our work when we're too close to it.
Sending off manuscripts for publication throws me back into a trough of self-doubt. The fear of exposure overwhelms me. What if people think it is horrible? What if it is attacked? The terror of negative judgments or rejection seems to keep many of the academics I work with in a kind of purgatory: they almost finish pieces and never get them in the mail.
Finally, when something appears in print, seeing the typeface on paper always makes work look at least twice as good as it did on the computer screen. The article is never as good as it is in my initial imaginings, but finished imperfections still feels very satisfying.
I'm going to start asking my coaching clients about their own emotional writing trajectories. It seems like a useful avenue of self-examination.
What patterns do your enthusiasms and self-doubt follow? What are the most difficult phases? When is the work most gratifying?